Workshop

Hello again - I know it's been weeks since my last post. No long, drawn out explanations this time - just many apologies!
I've just started a workshop for writers and thought I'd post my first submission here as well. Our subject for this was fears and phobias.


I admit it. I'm unusually afraid. Of lots of things. Call me a scaredy-cat if you like - I prefer to think of myself as cautious. And even though I may prefer the safer, more well-lit path more times than not, I do not live in a rabbit-hole.
Today I am facing, dealing with and up to my elbows in one of my all-time worst fears.
I am sitting in the waiting area for the Regional Justice Center to pay a 7 month old traffic ticket. I am doing this today because there is a three day moratorium with late fees waived. I would rather pay a $350 fine than $897. The money is not the issue today - nor is the government office. What is making me so uncomfortable is the large crowd of people taking advantage of the same gift from the city.
I am surrounded by a whirling mass of people; walking around, talking, grousing, snoring, and sneezing. I found an empty cold, metal chair in the middle of this organized chaos and pulled out my notebook. Now I can list my fears, phobias and superstitions as they happen.
Hopefully this will freak out the big construction worker that lumbered over and sat next to me and has been blatantly reading over my shoulder.
I know at this point I sound flip and snarky and totally in control but believe me it is just a defense mechanism employed to entertain me and keep me from bolting for the door.
I have to keep adjusting my pen because it's sticking to my fingers from the nervous sweat. I've already got red indentations on my fingers from gripping the pen so tightly, and my handwriting has become almost illegible due to my shaking hands. Sorry, construction guy.
I'm staring down at my lined white paper - trying to shut out all the noise and people around me. I wish I could jam my iPod ear buds in my ears and pretend I'm somewhere else ... but I'm afraid I'll miss my number being announced. Whoops, there's another fear.

Back to the original topic. When my fears creep up on me, the shaking hands and thumping heartbeat are first to appear. I can't get away from or turn off those symptoms. In fact, they've simply left the door open to allow more uncomfortable feelings to barge through. Now my underarms are sticky, and the back of my neck feels hot and damp under my hair. I got so nervous about coming here this morning that I forgot to eat breakfast. Now my stomach is growling for food - but I don't understand why it doesn't just eat the butterflies that are bumping around in there. I think that would make us both a little happier.

No one else looks as nervous and panicky as I feel. Actually, they look bored, indignant, confused, pissed-off, sleepy, etc ... Can they see I'm having a little nervous breakdown right now, right here in this chair?

There is only one person in this room right now that I envy. Yoga Man. He's got a track suit on and looks as if he has 0.01% body fat. He's sitting there, calmly with his eyes closed and the back of his hands resting on his knees.
No iPod for him. He can shut out the world with the power of his mind.
Wow.
Maybe I should pack up my wrinkled notebook, sticky pits, sweaty and shaky hands and damp neck and go sit by him. Maybe his Zen will rub off on me.

Ommmmmmmmmmmmm