Remember a few weeks back when I was whooping and hollering about winning that contest on Charlotte's (WordStrumpet) blog? And I had my choice of a coaching session or manuscript critique?
Well, in our first few emails to each other I told her I would like the coaching session. I wanted her to help me to structure my freelance writing schedule and still fit some novel-writing time in too. She was very kind and said that sounded good to her, and we chose a time frame that worked for both of our schedules.
Then a few weeks passed and I started to get hints dropped on my head about working harder and more often on the novel. Don't think I'm weird - OK, you all know I am - but don't think I'm weirder than you already knew. It just felt like the Universe was trying to tell me something. The first one or two could just be coincidence, but the last two were fuh-ree-kee. (Say that out loud if I lost you there.)
So, I sent dear Charlotte ... dear patient, understanding Charlotte an email last week asking if I could change my choice. I briefly explained the whole Universe-hinting idea and she was very agreeable.
That's the good part.
The scary part is that I sent off the first 22 pages of my manuscript to her this morning. She was nice enough to send an email letting me know she had received it and would read it and get back to me with her review and critique as soon as she could. She understands how nerve-wracking it is to wait for a critique.
The upshot to this whole thing is that I had a week to read and edit and polish those pages before I sent them. And from the first time I read it, I was happy with it. I actually blushed a little when I told Kirk I thought it was pretty darn good. I tweaked a little - just a word here and there - but not much.
And now...
I reread those same pages 5 minutes after I knew she had received them. And you know what? Suddenly they are crap. I mean it. Utter shit. What the hell was I thinking? Aaaaaargh !!!
Logical mind chimes in ...
I trust her. I know she's going to be honest and fair. And I'm OK with that. I don't want to hear false praise. It is what it is.
Emotional wreck living in my head answers back ...
Frick, frick, frickitty, frick!
7 comments:
There's a book out there called "Reading Your Writing" and gives you some good hints on how not to be such a harsh critic of yourself. Let go for now and wait for the critique. Remember, too, that critiques are not meant to destroy you. They are tools to make your writing better by pointing out the weaknesses (and hopefully the strengths, too!)
I'm sure you'll be fine. Just R E L A X!
Peace - D
Absolutely normal. For a writer, that is; we for whom nothing is ever quite normal.
I've never written anything that I didn't hate the minute it left my hands. "Why did I use THAT word?"
It gets even worse when I finally see it in print. I see nothing but room for improvement.
In other words, I hear ya. Been there. And will be there again.
Don't second-guess! That's what you were doing, looking at the manuscript after you had e-mailed it to her. Quit that! Now! :-)
Just remember you are always your own worst critic!
Can't wait to hear what she says...I'm sure it'll be great!
Darlin' - tell that emotional wreck living in your head to take a chill pill - she's gonna love it!
One always has a different perspective the second time around. I'm sure the feedback she will give you will help you tune things to the way they you want them to be.
Momma-
Thanks for the book suggestion. I'm going to see if they have it at the library; if not I'll check out the bookstores. And thanks for the advice. My logical mind knows what you suggested; it's just what I would have told someone else. But of course it's hardest to take your own advice, right?
Ray-
I'm so glad you said that. I write and then reread and rewrite and reread and rewrite everything ... even my blog posts. It just takes so long for me to be satisfied with the work. I confess to going back to and editing a post that was written MONTHS ago that I doubt anyone will see. I am glad to hear I'm not the only one. I guess when I stop obsessing about the work is when I should worry.
Heather-
Yes, ma'am! But I just can't help myself ... :)
Rhonda-
Yes, you're right about being my own worst critic. And boy, howdy do I hope she likes it. Or at least doesn't HATE it!
Mom-
I tried but she back-talks.
A LOT.
Jen-
Thank you and cross your fingers. :)
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