A Little Slap of Awareness ...

I know that by now you've noticed the tendency of my emotions to yo-yo all over the frickin' place. I ripped open an artery a few days ago and exposed my inner self in a way that is completely and totally foreign and very unlike me.

I rebounded to post the birthday tribute to my mom - and even that wasn't as sentimental as it might have been, were I in a more "happy place." Of course I meant every last word - but I am certain that everyone that knows me could sense that I wasn't all there. It could have been so much better. Mom, I promise to do you one better on Mother's Day.

But tonite, I was visiting one of my favorite sites - Ask And Ye Shall Receive. It's a blog review site that is brutally honest, clever and witty as hell. And no, to answer your question, I have NOT submitted mine for review.

I have discovered many of my current favorite blogs on this site - most notably Coal Miner's Granddaughter, Nitro Vista and Maggie, Dammit. (I freakin' love you guys!)

The most recent review was for a site titled Widow For A Year ... written by a woman who lost her husband this past October to pancreatic cancer at the age of 44. She is now raising two small children by herself - with the support of her family and friends.

I knew I shouldn't start reading her blog - because I am so tender hearted I cry at those damn commercials for dogs and cats in animal shelters, and all the critters look up at the camera with the soul-piercing look. I want to adopt every damn one of them. And I cannot even mention the commercials for children around the world that need sponsorship. They rip my heart out.

But I have fallen in love with this blog. No matter how heart-wrenching it is to me - she has an honest writing style that pulls me into her life and makes me ache for her. And admire her - I cannot begin to imagine what I might do in her situation. I can't bring myself to imagine my life without my husband. I would only hope I could manage one hundredth as well as she has. She has not had an easy time these past months, and you feel her deep agony, and cheer her every success. Some days, just functioning is a major success for many of us - for her it must feel like a daily triathlon.

So, my earlier ranting and ravings about poor little me? Utter and complete bullshit.

What the hell does all of this material crap matter when I have a healthy, happy family with which to spend my days? We may keep this house - we may sell it and move. Eventually, Kirk will find a job - somewhere and sometime. I am going to write until my fingers bleed and finish the manuscript, and I am going to finish my freelance gig as soon as I can to thank my client for her enduring patience and support. We will get through this.

Please don't read this as one of those "if you think you've got it bad - look at this" sorts of thoughts. I genuinely don't feel that way after reading her blog. And yes, I read every one of her posts. The primary feeling I took away - aside from my empathy and respect for her - is that at the end of the day, in my ordinary little life, the small stuff really doesn't matter unless you let it get to you.

There's so much more to be thankful for. I just have to change my outlook. Thanks to this wonderful woman - I am well on my way.

Stop by and visit her. Bring tissues. http://www.stduffy.blogspot.com/

And please click on her link to donate to pancreatic cancer research and early detection. Or go there directly from here ... http://www.lustgarten.org/.

And know that whoever you are - friends, blogger friends, family and all - I love you all to pieces.