I found out I got the job on Wednesday afternoon. I was so happy - whooping and hollering and telling everyone I knew. The very nice man from the library district employment office said I needed to come down the next morning and get my intake paperwork and then go do a drug test. No problem.
My family and I celebrated the job that night and Kirk made a nice dinner. I went down to the office the next morning, did my intake, got my papers and went to do the drug test right from there. It was a hair and urine test but not a big deal. I've had two kids, so I've (ahem) peed in many test cups. And I've got tons of hair, so a few snips won't even show. As a matter of fact, seeing as how I worked in the medical field for almost 20 years ... I've done the whole drug screening pre-employment dance before and have never had even the tiniest issue.
Piece of cake, right?
I get a call Monday from the office and this testy little governmental female drone informs me that they have to rescind my job offer.
I am shocked. "What? Why?" I ask.
"Because you failed your drug test." She answers, in this slightly accusatory tone.
I'm stuttering now. "W-W-W-WHAT?"
"Your urine test came back positive for alcohol." Ms. Smug says. "0.02."
For those of you whose jaws have not dropped at this incredible finding ... let me explain. (And I did a LOT of research to verify these facts.)
That horrid, job-ending-before-it-began result is proof that a female person of my height and weight, who tends not to drink enough water and is probably dehydrated, and eats a LOT of carbs and sugars .... had ONE alcoholic beverage in the last 24 to 48 hours.
See, females have a higher fat percentage, so alcohol tends to stay in the system longer. Worse still, if that female is dehydrated (I live in the desert, people, and it's 106' outside!) the alcohol will be flushed out of the system slower. And, since carbs turn to sugar just like alcohol does as it is processed through the body, it can affect the accuracy of the test. On top of all that - because I am the daughter and granddaughter of diabetics and I don't have the best diet (Did I mention that I love carbs?) I am more likely to have a higher insulin level in my system, which can also affect the test result.
The irony of it all is that the alcohol that cost me the job offer was a celebratory drink with my celebratory dinner with my celebratory family the night before.
Sooooooo .... I fought it. I talked and talked and tried to reason with the worker bee, and so she went to talk to her queen worker bee and they decided that I could re-take the test within 24 hours, but I would have to pay for it myself. $35 frickin dollars.
I started to think about the whole issue. I waited for that stupid little part-time job for FIVE months. I'd work 12 hours a week and make $8.36 an hour. When you do the math, baby ... it just didn't seem worth it. The whole drama left me with a bad feeling. To have to protest and fight for a low-paying job ... when the entire drug testing fiasco was such a sham ... I just let it go.
Don't think for a second that I'm not going to write a very long letter of protest and send it to everyone on that library board, detailing all of the inaccuracies and fallible aspects in the drug testing process.
And now I'm going to end this missive on a happy note. Remember that new website business I told you all about? I went to the launch party last night and it was FAB-U-LOUS. I signed up right away and left there walking on clouds. My own website will be up and running in about 5 days, so you will hear much more about the business in the coming week. I've known the owner for years and years and just love her to pieces. This is going to be great!!
I guess it's true ... things really do happen for a reason.